Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
