I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize