i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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