you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
