he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
