I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
