can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
