I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's intense
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
