i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
