Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
