YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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