we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
