youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
