I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
