what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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