So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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