1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
