she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
