just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
