My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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