fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
