I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
