i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
