Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
