he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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