Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
