The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
