what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
