I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
