Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
