I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
