GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
