Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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