remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
