I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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