There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
