Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
