dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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