my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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