Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
