I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
