Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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