Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
