what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You left your phone here
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