Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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