Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
