Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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