I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
