it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
