i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
