Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
