i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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