well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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