I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
