I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
