I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You may now shotgun with the bride
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
