Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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