can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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