that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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