Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
