holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
