I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
