Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize