holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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