just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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