don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
