I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Enjoy the penises
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize