With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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