yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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