Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
