that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
