Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
