Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
