you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
