Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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