I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
