goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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