well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
