these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
