I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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