Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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