Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
