Sponge bath it is.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
