She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
