My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize