Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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