I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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