HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
