apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
