I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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