so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
