totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
