I've blown a few things in my day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
