i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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