GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
